Pregnancy & Infant Loss: Now What?
As “Pregnancy and infant loss awareness month” is coming to an end, I'm finding myself feeling unfulfilled. Dissatisfied.
I love that this month created a buzz around the importance of recognising and honouring loss. It pushed me to be more vocal about my own experiences, and I witnessed many brave women share openly about their experiences too. I believe that this month helped promote awareness, and I hope that many people were able to gain connection and relief in sharing their experiences and listening to others
stories.
But what happens November 1st? Are we just expected to seal ourselves back up again and pretend that everything's okay?
There is nothing like growing a life inside of you to have it taken away too early. No matter how much you rationalize, let go, or trust in the process of life as it unfolds, there might always be an emptiness that now occupies a part of you, where your baby once resided. There will be so many different emotions tangled up with your loss experience and it is different for everyone.
Did you take time to connect to your feelings around your loss during this month of awareness? Did you reach out for support? Or did you find yourself suppressing your memories and feelings? If you did talk about it more, was your sharing met with supportiveness? I think that what often prevents people from sharing is fear of how others will respond to your vulnerability.
I love Butterfly Baby Doula’s blog post on What NOT to Say to someone experiencing loss. Some of my favourites:
“There was a reason, or everything happens for a reason.”
“Maybe there was something wrong with it.”
I’m wondering why is it so hard to support someone in their sadness? Why is it so hard to express our sadness to others? And the biggest question: why is it so hard to allow ourselves to sit in our sadness? So I ask you this as I ask myself the same question - what now? What will you do to continue honouring your loss(es), cope with your grief, and continue to increase awareness of this topic even though October is over?
For information on Grief & Loss Sessions, contact Jen.