MOM-GUILT: Where Does It Come From And What Can You Do About It?
MOM-GUILT: Also known as......
Regular guilt that you feel in excessive amounts for everything you do and do NOT do while living life as a MOM. “Why do moms carry so much guilt?” This question comes up a lot!
There are layers and layers to this. Just to make a few... socialization, expectations, values, desires, wants, needs, responsibilities...all of these have an impact!
So what do we do about it, anyway?
If you’re reading this, then I’m sure that “mom-guilt” is a term and a feeling that you are familiar with! Have you thought about where this feeling comes from? The cause of this guilt is usually mixed, but it all comes down to your value system. Sometimes guilt gets triggered from a lack of perfection, maybe you had to make a difficult choice regarding yourself and/or your children, other times it's a result of being triggered and parenting in a way that doesn't align with your values.
I hear so many people tell me that they just don’t want to feel #momguilt anymore - both in and outside of my counselling sessions with clients!
What would happen if you were to lean into the guilt, listen to what it’s trying to tell you?
Often, we feel guilt when we are behaving out of alignment with our values. If this is the case, it’s a good opportunity to reflect on if what you are doing needs some adjusting. And if it does, think about what you will need for support to make these adjustments to be able to live more authentically within your own value system of what is important to you.
If this is the case, but you are unable to make the changes necessary to achieve this (for whatever reason), I encourage you to seek forgiveness from yourself and recognize that it is not always possible to do things in the most ideal way when we live our lives without enough support (and most of us are!) so sometimes, near enough needs to be good enough and we need to actively work on letting the rest go.
When your “guilt” is telling you that you’re not good enough, it’s probably shame talking, not guilt. And I’ll post more on that later! Before I go any further, let's just briefly talk about the difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt = I have done something bad.
Shame = I AM bad.
These are both powerful emotions, and important ones. Guilt can be a great teacher, but it can also be disabling if it turns toxic… it can also manifest into shame, anger or rage if we aren’t careful in processing it and releasing it!
So back to guilt. This is something that is spoken about SO MUCH in motherhood. #momguilt. What's that about?
A lot of women struggle with self-esteem and identity issues when they become mothers and for years afterwards. If we are continually acting in ways that don't align with our values, we will continue feeling guilt and shame and we will continue having self-esteem and identity issues.
So what's the answer here?!
I always encourage my clients to assess what is causing the guilt or shame. Have you done something imperfect and do you need to practice more self-forgiveness and compassion? Or was it more than that - have you behaved in a way that doesn't align with you values? Are there difficult choices to make that are triggering your guilt? Is there something unattainable that you need to grieve?
If the latter is so, I encourage you to STILL practice self-forgiveness and compassion, but also look a little deeper. Explore what has triggered you into behaving this way, explore what you need to do to make amends and to fill yourself up more so that you can handle your triggers in a way that feels better for you.
You matter, you are important, and if you forget this, then you can't be everything you want to be for your family!
Interested in furthering your education around Mom-Guilt and learning tools to help release these feelings?
Check out this Self Paced Workshop, that you can complete on your time, whenever it’s convenient to you.
